Waiting For Sex Till Marriage – My New View

Linda's iphone July 2013 933

The body is sensitive. It registers every thought and feeling. Be tender with it. ~ Brendan O’Regan

Sex. It’s one of those words that makes kids giggle, makes parents of teens cringe causes some people to smile and brings up bad memories for others. It’s a word that some people ban from their homes, and others make part of their every day conversations. Sex – a very powerful word.

As I teen, I made mistakes. We all do. As teenagers, we push the boundaries, test the waters and start to pull away from parents as we prepare to be on our own in the big, wide world. I made big mistakes, ones that I truly regret.

Before I became a Christian, I laughed at young couples who got married. I thought they were just getting married in order to have sex, and in some cases maybe that was true. What I didn’t realize was, that waiting to have sex until marriage is incredibly admirable, God-loving and wonderful. It is truly respectful of each other and of God’s grand design.

In our society, sex is everywhere. Young girls are taught to look sexy, teens are pressured into sexual encounters, and sex is not really taken seriously. Yet, our bodies were made for so much more. Our bodies were created to be respected. Everything that happens to our bodies, affects our minds, deeply. A small act as a young teenager may never, ever leave your mind. Yes, you will heal from it and you will move on, but it will always be there.

But why wait? Don’t you want to discover if you’re sexually compatible before you commit to a life time of marriage? Here are my own personal thoughts:

1. Trust – If you wait until marriage, you will have a trust for each other like nothing you’ve ever experienced. Making love to your husband is the most intimate act you will ever share. When you fully trust your partner, you will enjoy that the sexual experience as it was designed.

2. No Regrets – Plain and simple, you will have no sexual regrets if you wait until marriage.

3. No Comparison – Having multiple sexual partners will make you unknowingly compare your husband/wife to others. He/she will feel he has to live up to unrealistic expectations, and you may never be fully satisfied. Being able to explore each other, with trust and love, is a truly beautiful thing.

4. Emotional Maturity – As a teen, we are just not ready emotionally to make the decisions that will affect our lives. Yes, teens think they know everything. Heck, I was a teen once and I thought I was invincible! But as parents, it’s our duty to help educate and protect our children through all stages of development. When one waits until marriage, you are more emotionally mature to make better decisions.

5. God Honouring – For those that aren’t believers, this is where you may scoff and that’s ok. I did. But now I know that God designed us and created us. It’s His desire for us to honour Him with our bodies.

Because of this blog and my openness in sharing my struggles, I have been privileged to have some very intimate, private conversations with some wonderful people. One theme that keeps coming up over and over, is sexual regrets. Yes, some of them were not by choice. God’s healing and strength is necessary to move beyond that pain. But if it’s your choice, only you can make it. Remember you are the only one who can chose to be in control of your body. You. No one else.

Do you agree or disagree that one should wait to have sex until marriage?

Note: Once again, I will clarify that these are only my opinions. I do not judge others for opinions or choices that may not be similar. I hope to receive the same respect from you.

1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT
Run from sexual sin. No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

12 Replies to “Waiting For Sex Till Marriage – My New View”

  1. I made it through my teens and early twenties without caving to the pressure and temptation to have sex with people I dated. It was NOT easy. I’m about to marry an amazing man and I am SO THANKFUL that I held strong in that decision. I have no regrets, no ties, no comparisons and no fear. It makes every difficult conversation, every scoff and every “no” worth it!!!

    So, I wholeheartedly agree, Linda.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing. You are a true inspiration that waiting is possible. You are such a strong and powerful woman. You have, and will continue to have, such great influence in many young girls lives. So thank you for not caving in to the pressure and temptations, and having the courage to say no. And also thank you for now having the courage to share your experience.

  2. I agree its probably smart but haveing done it as a teen I wonder if it is realistic to push for this many people hide it in secrecy and it only comes out if something happens like a pregnancy. As a parent I plan on being open with my kids to know that it should be with someone they love but if they have the erge know that I will not judge and woukd rather them be safe than try to hide it to meet my expectations I ended up marrying my only partner and things have happened in the past I just hope both my kids canwait but I know things happen but on the plus side I hope to have at least 13 years before I have to worry about this

    1. I absolutely agree that we have to have open conversations with our children. To teach them to honour and respect themselves. And it would be unrealistic to think that waiting may not happen with our children. You are a great mom! You already know that you will not judge your children, and will be there for them no matter what. I, too, plan to be there no matter what path my children take. I will respect them and love them unconditionally. Yet, I will do my best to help guide them and keep them safe, while teach them that sex is a beautiful thing, to be enjoyed between a husband and wife.

  3. So beautifully written, Linda!! Sometimes we view God’s word as a book of rules and things that we are not allowed to do. However, I am seeing more and more how it is a book of love for us and an instruction manual on how to live our lives. When we want to know how something works we turn to the manual written by the makers of that product. When we want to know how we can get the best from our lives we turn to the manual written by the One who created us. He knows what works best for us!!

  4. My fiancée and are getting married in November and we are both virgins. While it is terrifying and exciting all at once, we are so proud of what we have accomplished. In today’s age we have to constantly explain why we are both virgins and why we don’t live together. We get super weird looks and lots of questions but it allows us to really live out our witness for Christ.

    1. Thank you, Melissa. You inspire me that it is possible for my children to wait for marriage. The amount of pressure and temptation must be overwhelming at times. But you did it! And a huge congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!!

  5. Linda
    Thanks for being bold and honest and open. With two teenage boys it is scary and intimidating to speak openly and truthfully about what God expects of them and also my personal experiences and failures. Keep up the great writing.

    1. I have one teenage daughter, and two more children on their way to teenagehood, so I understand the fear. It is scary and intimidating, for sure. But definitely worth it!
      Thanks for your encouragement, Rick!

  6. Hi again, I have finally read this one, too and agree with the excellent arguments you have presented for “waiting.” It’s a huge challenge in an age when so many co-habit before marriage, and those who don’t are the exception rather than the rule – but, in this instance, being an exception is so worth it! Love, G

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